Slipping on ICE

Wether you’re on an ice rink or a glass pipe. It’s hard to get control when you’re slipping and sliding on ice. You can see the sideboards willing to support you back to the doors of safety, but getting to them you fall 100 times.

Sound familiar?

Ice, crystal, speed, METH…

Same idea. You step on the ice, seems like it could be fun till your out in the middle of the rink and realize all you’ve done is fall on your ass over and over. And to get back, it’s likely you’ll fall a bunch more times again. You curl up in the middle and hope to be left alone. People around you skate well and offer help, but you shut them out.

They wiz by you, you feel so disconnected, like if you try to stand up, everyone will see you fall, and will know all this time you don’t even know how to skate as they can. How shameful.

You can’t stay here forever, but you can hardly even see the sideboards anymore. Maybe you will have to wait here forever, or find a way to end it all and die right there, in the middle of all the people that skate around you. But your so desperate to leave this spot, you don’t see them anymore, your losing your mind and don’t care for them or yourself anymore.

Laying on your back you look up as that is the only place to look. You feel something. A power to get out of this mess. It won’t be easy, but the lights on the arena ceiling are just too bright. You must get up. You try so hard to get up, and you slip over and over.

Finally, it hits you, TAKE OFF YOUR SKATES!! If I take off my skates my feet will get wet, and it will be uncomfortable, and there may be some embarrassment involved, I may still even slip a few times, but if you remove the main thing that’s causing you to slip, there a chance at gaining some traction.. the sideboards may be reachable.

You reach down to untie your skates to find a tangled mess. The knots have such a tight grip. Maybe you think you know you need to get them off, but don’t feel confident you can or will.

Let’s say you get so fucking sick of sitting in one spot while the world passes you  by, you finally find it in you to get those fucking skates off! Now throw them! As far as you can, you never want to see them again incase you forget how harmful they actually were to you. You may see them on your journey back and think well… why don’t I try em on again just once, I may be able to skate this time and will get to where I need to go so much faster… except you forgot you cannot skate! So toss those bitches, get your feet wet, be uncomfortable and walk right over that ice to the support of the side boards until you get to the door that leads to the stability of the floor!

If you are stuck on meth, it’s a crude cycle. It can be broken, when your sick of things getting worse, take off your skates (toss your pipe and leave town if gets u away from your hook ups). The knots in the laces may prevent this from happening (doubts in your mind), but one day, if you don’t give up, you’ll find a way to loosen that knot, rip off your skates and walk to the sideboards (find help/support). There is always a door waiting for you (life).

Thanks for reading.

Mishell

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Comments

  1. Geovanne_Ortiz

    Exactly how I feel. Tho ive been throwing my skates away and I always end up borrowing some one elses Or buying new ones. Ive done it so much it has become a habit.

  2. mishell Post author

    When u start ro feel that the way things are going are scarier then trying to live another way.. You will find the strength to fight for your control back. Habits and addiction can be broken. When your ready, you will say fuck these skates and will accumulate more n more steps closer to a new life. When u slip its about learning not beating yourself up and saying fuck it. U have to realize your worth. You have to forgive yourself and trust u can keep getting back up. Aknowledgment of a problem truly is the most important step. Sometimes it takes a long time to finally do it. But not giving up, and seeing each day as a new chance to try again and again eventually pays off if u just keep trying

  3. mishell Post author

    I think meth gave me a touch of ptsd but i seem to manage it alright. Flashbacks triggers reminders n dreams have to be shaken away quickly. Never entertain it. After 5 mins if i do i find myself almost craving and justifying how it may be okay.. Thats when aelf control over thoughts is really important.. Havnt given in cus i rareley let myself think bout it for more then a few seconds when i do..