My Nicotine Addiction

My name is Gabe, I am young, struggle with nicotine addiction, and I live in Australia NSW.

Nicotine Addiction | How it Started

Pretty much everybody in my family smokes or have smoked. I was always around people that smoked and I always used to hate the idea of smoking. That’s until I had my first smoke.

I was 11 years old, and I was sleeping at my grandpa’s house for a couple of nights. My Grandpa smokes hand-rolled tobacco. I was sitting on the couch and he started to roll a smoke. I watched him do it, and I thought to myself “All my family does it so, why not try it”. My Grandpa went outside to smoke it so while feeling very guilty, I took a tobacco paper and some tobacco and a filter. I went into the bathroom and rolled it as my Grandpa did. It was rolled semi-well. I walked out into the kitchen and used the toaster to light it up. My Grandpa also lost his sense to smell because of a motorcycle accident. I tiptoed back into the bathroom. I put my lips on the filter, and I inhaled my first ever hit of nicotine. I didn’t cough at all from smoking but I gagged from the taste. I then looked at the cigarette and decided to take another hit. I didn’t gag this time. However, it still tasted like garbage. I kept taking the hits. I then got down to the filter and put the butt down the drain of the sink. I proceeded to roll up and smoke about 3-5 more cigarettes while I was at my Grandpa’s house. I don’t remember if I took some tobacco and papers home with me to burn.

I didn’t have another smoke until I was 12. I was living with my Aunt and still am. At this point, my Aunt had quit smoking so there was no way to get smokes at home. I was helping her clean out her room, and she found a packet of cigarettes she hid as a pack if she didn’t have any. She told me to put them on the table for my Grandpa. This occurrence was on a Friday, and my Grandpa comes around every Saturday to say hello. I took the pack into my room, and I took out one cigarette, and I used a lighter this time to light it. This time the tobacco in the cigarette was an expensive one, and it didn’t taste too bad. I smoked one and then two and my nicotine addiction started. I could not smoke anymore because my Aunt questioned me about why the cigarettes weren’t on the table. I said, “I forgot to.” She asked where I put them and I told her I put them in the cupboard. While she goes and looks, I ran out of the backyard and broke a few of the cigarettes and put them in the bin. I did this so I could tell her I think smoking is bad and she believed me. My Grandpa decided to say hello on that Friday. She gave the smokes to him and explained why they were opened. Soon my Grandpa left, and I went into my room to play my PlayStation 3. I was playing the game, and I had the urge to smoke. I was getting angry at getting in the game I was playing, and I began to swear and yell. My Aunt came in to see what was wrong I swore at her. I got banned from my PS3 for about a week. After about 3 days the urge to smoke was less intense. My neighbor’s kid was 13, and he smoked as well. I was out in the backyard of his house behind the shed with him. He had 2 cigarettes that he stole from his parents. We smoked one each. I felt so relieved during and after the smoke. I went home, still being banned from playing my games I sit down and watch TV. I then again had a powerful urge for another smoke. I didn’t feel like eating at all. I would rather have a smoke than eat anything. I eventually sleep over at my Grandpa’s house again. I repeated to smoke in the bathroom, this time I had over 11 smokes in the one day. The time comes around to go home, and while my Grandpa went into the bathroom, I took a pretty decent amount tobacco and about 10 papers and filters. I get home and roll my smoke. I smoked it right before dinner time. I sprayed aftershave on myself and brushed my teeth to get rid of the smell. I’m pretty sure it worked. I refused to eat my dinner and said I felt sick and I was going to lay down. Walking into my room with the conscious to smoke another smoke. I smoked about 2-3. I would then later eat my dinner that was put in the fridge. This cycle went on until I finished the rest of my tobacco.

I asked if I could stay at my Grandpa’s house again for a night. Still, I smoked some at his house and brought some tobacco home with me. I had repeated this cycle until the end of 2017 (13 Years Old). My Aunt had smelled tobacco on me a few times, but I told her I wasn’t smoking. She then caught me smoking. She asked where I got it from, but I didn’t tell her. She then figured out I was stealing it off my Grandpa. She didn’t tell him what I’ve been doing. This time weeks go past without any nicotine, and I was grumpy as all living hell. This is around the time I started to gain a nasty temper and still have it to this day. I would think about the satisfaction of having a smoke and then thinking there was no way I could get any smokes and getting pissed off at the fact I couldn’t smoke.

My Grandpa didn’t live far away, and he would always keep his back window open. I had the idea to walk to his house and climb through the window to steal some tobacco. I went ahead with the plan and hopped out my window and over the fence. Already having anxiety and the fear that I would get mugged or stabbed. I live in a terrible neighborhood. It was the norm for somebody to get robbed or stabbed or shot and this was the first time I walked around in the hood. I eventually made it to my Grandpa’s house and climbed thru the window. His tobacco was sitting on his little table he would keep it on. I was going to take a little bit, but I received the whole 50-gram packet of tobacco and two 50 paper rolling paper packets. I felt major guilt. I left there with it and made it back to my house. I was so excited to have a smoke. I had the first smoke in a while, and I smoked it to the face. I was so happy for the instant gratification of satisfying my nicotine addiction and felt so guilty at the same time. My Grandpa was 82 years old with moderate dementia. I used his illness against him for my “needs”. He didn’t say anything about it so I knew he thought he forgot he finished it. I did this 5 more times. One night I got caught by the neighbors and long story short I apologized to my Grandpa and bought him a few packets of tobacco, papers, and filters. Now when I think about what I did, I am disgusted with what I did to fulfill my needs. My addiction was tearing me apart from my family. I would say my nicotine addiction is worse than my pot addiction.

I didn’t stop smoking at this point. I would steal cigarette bumpers from my neighbor’s doorstep and roll them up with the rolling papers I had left. I did this until about last month (2018).

I have a drug dealer that would I would get pot from. I bought pot from him a few times and then I asked him to get me tobacco. He did get me tobacco. I used the money I stole from my Aunt. I continue buying tobacco and pot of him until about 3-4  weeks ago. I am trying very hard not to smoke tobacco or anything for that matter.

My nicotine addiction was so bad I was pretty much-pushing people out of my life. The people I love and care about.

Right, this minute I am craving for a smoke but I know the only way to smoke at my age is to do something bad to get them.

My dad died from lung cancer and stomach cancer at roughly 40 years old. I don’t want to die that young, but I’m still afraid I’m going to smoke that next cigarette and get addicted again and ruin my relationships with my family.

Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Addiction