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  • Heimrikr posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Constantly shifting back from angry depression and despair…. Kind of exhausting….

    • the best thing you can do is just let your emotions calm. if you feel the exhaustion, and since you’ve realixaed it, try to change the emotion if you can even if it’s just a little thing. Whenever I get riled up from daily life I just think or do small things that make this life a little better. aka sending animal pictures to my partner, or you…[Read more]

      • Hey thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate the concern and your time. I just really wish it was that simple. I have been doing the “take one day at a time and moment to moment” thing for years now. But it’s always felt like I am just telling myself this method will work and I’ll feel better about it all soon just to avoid facing the reality…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I unfortunately see alot of young men here who have turned to drugs and alcohol because of a breakup and it only solidifies my own convictions and contempt for any hope for a future with another.

    I only hope that the ladies wield their beauty and allure with discretion and with great responsibility….

    Too many damaged men ladies…

    Too many…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Well just had my meeting with my boss’s boss over the shit that went down last week. They didn’t fire me…. Yet. But I’m still suspended without pay until I have a physician complete a Fitness For Duty Evaluation (FFD) because the jackasses think I was hallucinating!! XD LOL

    I KNOW that shit was Meth. I think I would know. And I even gave them a…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Well….. Closing in on day 5 no sleep….severe tremors, uncontrollable shaking, and double vision that occurs about about 3 feet from my face. Skin is experiencing some kind of case of widespread neuropathy… I think I’m past my seizure event threshold. I hope I don’t wake up without a tongue and how do I ensure I sleep on my side??

    Anyway…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Ever feel so tired and defeated that you can’t even muster up the strength to get angry or cry.?

    Ever since my divorce I have been carrying the same 45ACP hollow point in my front left pocket. For years I used to think about that bullet and even pull it out to fidget with when thinking about throwing in the towel. Even had the letter and the…[Read more]

    • See it through. You never know what amzing things/people/places you have left to experience. Youll never get to know unless you stick it out. Plus we’d miss you

      • Thanks for the kind words man. Still sorting through this dumpster fire I call my life. Anyway that’s very much appreciated. Hope you’re doing well too. Take care.

  • Heimrikr posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    My life within every 24 hour timeframe in emoji…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Probably gettIng fired this week Because of Coworkers Meth use. That’s a first for me. Currently spun, broken, and officially defeated. I put all I had into that job. All pissed away by other people’s addictions and misunderstandings. I’m out. I don’t have anything left. Already going on day 4 no sleep, probably 500 calories a day if that.…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months ago

    It’s nearly 3am and I’m battling hardcore insomnia…

    It’s the strangest feeling having a chronic heightened sense of awareness of a distinct disconnection of the mind and body. In my case, the body is worn, torn, and broken. It’s BEYOND exhausted. I’m probably just maybe only another 12 hours away from total collapse like Cardiac Arrest or…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months ago

    I’ve been circling the toilet bowl for awhile now…. If this is all there is left in life for me, I’m ready to go now. I don’t want to live in a world where happiness is quantified by their income and faith in the newage religion of Materialism. Mercy is all I have left. When you have no quality of life EVERYTHING is just part of the overall…[Read more]

    • hey this feeling goes away. it’s temporary and since i don’t know you personally i cant say how long it’ll linger but i hope it goes away for you soon. if you feel too clouded with everyone elses materialism, depart from them for a bit and focus worldly things( that arent related materialism) for yourself. this is gunna be the mst baasic info…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months ago

    If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there….

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months ago

    Money doesn’t make me happy…. So what am I doing still here….??

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months ago

    At what point do we classify someone an addict and officially in a state of substance abuse? If say a man goes to work everyday, provides for his family, handles his finances, and his other responsibilities BUT goes out every night and gets absolutely FACED? I know some of us would call that a “functioning alcoholic” but if the individual is…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months, 1 week ago

    I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I always kept hoping my mind and body would adjust to sobriety but it hasn’t. My pain is at a record level. I wonder if I’m just being a pussy or if anyone else in my situation would have been hospitalized by now….. Just operating at this level of physical and mental strain has to be inhuman….

    A…[Read more]

    • Sounds real rough…I never meddled with opiods…sounds nasty

    • Id agree to seek a doc. And be honest. Express what u just said here. If they disappoint maybe not the right doc. Counciling to get shit off ur chest may help too.
      Pls do everything u can before your daughter losses her daddy for good . much love to u. Msg me anytime

      • Thanks for the kind words. Back in Feb 2018 I had a Grand Mal seizure after not being able to sleep for nearly 5 days. I was carrying groceries up the steps and just collapsed. Woke up to paramedics who carted me off to the hospital for 4 days of testing. No epilepsy, no tumors, no anomalies. Just a seriously depressed broken man. It’s sad because…[Read more]

        • I understand the loss. And am sorry for your pain. I had a similar experience when the guy i was w for 12 yrs chose to give up aswell. It took awhile to get over even tho i covered how hard it was. After a good walk one day, i chose to accept life is going to be different and i just have to let go. And i have. I wish you can come to this too one…[Read more]

          • It’s not that I’m giving up because I am feeling sorry for myself…. Or clinically depressed. I want to admit defeat and die in peace. Retain some dignity rather than have everyone watch me deteriorate, struggle pathetically, and ultimately fail hard. I don’t think people that you love should have to watch someone slowly suffer to death. It’s…[Read more]

            • My friend. Your family im sure would be caused more pain by your death.
              I strongly suggest talking to a councillor. It may help your mind unwind. To live is to give. Maybe volunteer somewhere where u can help those less fortunate. We have an abundance in this world. We can all help others. Ot is a great way to begin loving yourself again. Laying…[Read more]

  • Heimrikr posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    After years of trying to understand why many pain killing medications I so desperately needed but yet ruined me, never really were all that effective.

    Science in genetics may finally give all of us including doctors some answers and seriously help some of us that are possibly not self medicating but just simply misunderstood.

    Researchers have…[Read more]

    • Thats interesting…

      • I tried posting the link but the site wouldn’t let me. It simply said “You have posted too many links”

        I was like “DAFUQ? Where??”

        It is interesting. This information And discovery should set precedence for pain patients and for those of different ethnicities as we all are different and unique and thus drugs effect us all differently. I had this…[Read more]

      • I went ahead and created a forum thread about it. It allowed me to post the articles link there.

  • Heimrikr posted an update 4 months ago

    I’m not college educated, certified, or professionally trained in Biochemistry, Pharmacology, and Neuroscience but I have extensively researched it and studied it for years now. If anyone has any questions or needing any advice please don’t hesitate to contact me.

  • Heimrikr posted an update 4 months ago

    New here and this seems like a very fascinating site to discuss a wide variety of subjects so I immediately Joined. Anyway I have been scouring the internet and medical journals to find the answers I seek but have had zero results. I feel alone. And I feel I won’t have closure until I understand the issues I have been living with for years now.


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