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  • “Desire is alcoholic, desire is the greatest drug possible. Marijuana is nothing, lsd is nothing. Desire is the greatest lsd possible – the ultimate in drugs.
    What is the nature of desire? When you desire, what happens? When you desire, you are creating an illusion in the mind; when you desire, you have already moved from here. Now you are not her…[Read more]

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 5 months ago

    “Addiction is when natural biological imperatives, like the need for food, sex, relaxation or status, become prioritized to the point of destructiveness. It is exacerbated by a culture that understandably exploits this mechanic as it’s a damn good way to sell Mars bars and Toyota’s.”
    ― Russell Brand

  • “Memories consume
    Like opening the wound
    I’m picking me apart again

    You all assume
    I’m safe here in my room
    Unless I try to start again.”
    ― Linkin Park

  • “We love the things that destroy us, because in that destruction we truly feel alive.”
    ― Robert Pobi

  • “Mirrors on the ceiling,
    The pink champagne on ice
    And she said ‘We are all just prisoners here, of our own device’
    And in the master’s chambers,
    They gathered for the feast
    They stab it with their steely knives,
    But they just can’t kill the beast

    Last thing I remember, I was
    Running for the door
    I had to find the passage back
    To the place I w…[Read more]

  • “In the beginning war looks and feels like love. But unlike love it gives nothing in return but an ever-deepening dependence, like all narcotics, on the road to self-destruction. It does not affirm but places upon us greater and greater demands. It destroys the outside world until it is hard to live outside war’s grip. It takes a higher and h…[Read more]

  • “Amy [Winehouse] increasingly became defined by her addiction. Our media though is more interested in tragedy than talent, so the ink began to defect from praising her gift to chronicling her downfall. The destructive personal relationships, the blood soaked ballet slippers, the aborted shows, that YouTube madness with the baby mice. In the p…[Read more]

  • “If you are an approval addict, your behaviour is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.”
    ― Harriet B. Braiker

  • “…most Substance-addicted people are also addicted to thinking, meaning they have a compulsive and unhealthy relationship with their own thinking.”
    ― David Foster Wallace

    • Yes, unfortunately.

    • This is true. I don’t think the average interpretation of “addictive personality” is correct. An addicted personality is someone who is prone to being restless, irritable, and discontent most the time. There are people with addictive personalities that never use drugs, if they use them though, it is like the missing puzzle piece that makes them…[Read more]

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 6 months ago

    “The Moth don’t care when he sees The Flame.
    He might get burned, but he’s in the game.
    And once he’s in, he can’t go back, he’ll
    Beat his wings ’til he burns them black…
    No, The Moth don’t care when he sees The Flame. . .
    The Moth don’t care if The Flame is real,
    ‘Cause Flame and Moth got a sweetheart deal.
    And nothing fuels a good f…[Read more]

    • Hope YOU are well Bigtoe! i wish the best for Amy as well. Just pray you are putting yourself first in this situation. you have a good heart. don’t let anyone change that 😉 <3

    • The Moth don’t care if The Flame is real.
      but humans do, cause they learn how to deal.
      they fight and squirm and win the game.
      and things in the past will be a blame.
      they will get hurt and hurt again.
      but at some point they’ll say when.
      when will I break free from flames clamp.
      when do I put on my own lamp.
      The Moth don’t care if The Flame is rea…[Read more]

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 6 months ago

    I miss my dog

    • Me too 🙁
      Maybe you can save another one from a shelter so he at least can have a decent life and maybe be your road buddy when you are working.

      • She’s still in a shelter back home! I just found out! The problem is, I can’t have her with me and my family that left her there specifically told them to NOT release her to Amy.

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 6 months ago

    “No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 6 months ago

    “Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.” – Brian Tracy

  • Good morning guys, hey I have some breaking news and I’d like for you to keep us in your prayers. My lil Amy decided to back off her usage and give us another try. She is gonna continue her path to recovery and wants to be successful with me. I’ll keep you posted on her progress and wish us luck. Thanks my family (you guys) for keeping me in line…[Read more]

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 7 months ago

    “I understand addiction now. I never did before, you know. How could a man (or a woman) do something so self-destructive, knowing that they’re hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink. Just stop. It’s so simple, really. But as so often happe…[Read more]

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 7 months ago

    “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
    ― Edgar Allan Poe

  • Bigtoebaldass posted an update 7 months ago

    “I understood, through rehab, things about creating characters…that creating whole people means knowing where we come from, how we can make a mistake and how we overcome things to make ourselves stronger.” – Samuel L. Jackson

  • I’m sorry @philip. You have a good thing here. I’m just fucking pissed

  • Hey guys… my family @mishell, @philip. Got something important to me to post. You’ve never seen hurt the way I’m hurting now. Everyone on here that’s an addict, fuck you. Y’all are assholes. Pieces of shit actually. You hurt people like me that are good . You make people like me lose shit. Suffer.

    You selfish mother fuckers. Fucking heartless

    • What’s going on brother?

      • I’m sorry. I had to vent man. I apologize to everyone here. Amy is on the streets back at home and any money I send her, she uses it on meth and crap. I’m stuck. I thought her time in that rehab would help but it didn’t. And I’m just pissed off.

        You do everything for someone and it doesn’t change them. And they don’t change themselves.…[Read more]

        • I understand you need to get it off your heart. And respect that you are hurt. Feel free to send me a message and call me everything that comes to mind. I accept that I deserve it. But please don’t trow everyone on the same side. I had talks with people here who really try to change. Who work so much harder than I can even imagion . But change…[Read more]

          • Apologies to all you guys. I know it was rude @nessathelion and I hope you guys can forgive me. And I understand that everyone here is here to try. I’m not knocking anyone. I was just at my wits end. I refuse to make excuses for my actions and I do take full responsibility.

            I reiterate that I hope you all can forgive me. I’ll get past this and…[Read more]

            • We all deserve forgivness for what we say or do in times of dispare and being out of mind/control. Yes what was said was rude. But i dont feel it was meant . we know your heart is good Bigtoe. I can absolutely forgive your comments I know You regret speaking through emotions. They are a bitch and so is Amy for taking advantage of you. Big hugs to you

            • sorry for the late reply.
              Don’t worry about it too much, we all need to get something off our hearts sometimes,
              but please don’t forget even a recovering addict is still a addict, we might not give in but we still are.
              you seem like a nice guy though, and one screw-up won’t change that in my eyes.

              and I really I hope Amy can get it together…[Read more]

        • That was really rude.

    • MOZZ replied 7 months ago

      sorry for your pain man. We don’t see what we put the ones we love through until we get sober. After seeing it that made me want to die. We are selfish motherfuckers but today I don’t want to be and tomorrow I will make that commitment again.
      much love man

  • I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster, or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He’s taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of death from being a total surprise. – Chuck Palahniuk

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active 1 month, 3 weeks ago