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  • Anna posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hello everyone! Just a quick update: my body finally feels like it’s healing. My brain still feels fucked up, but the cravings are mostly gone. It’s like one day in a week where it’s pretty hard to stay off. 3 month clean and not giving up πŸ™‚ Hope you guys are ok. Mabye I will find some time soon to write another blog entry about my progress and…[Read more]

  • Anna posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Recovery is hard lately. The healing process (mentally and physically) is tough. Now I know how much I tortured my body with meth… horrific.

  • Anna posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    1 month since I last used meth and I feel pretty good. Cravings are coming up from time to time, but it’s bearable. Have a nice day guys πŸ™‚ (it’s 7:20am over here)

  • Anna posted an update 4 months ago

    I feel like it’s the hardest part of my recovery. My cravings are extreme and depression is hard to fight right now. I can’t think clearly. Days without smoking tobacco, coffee and energy drinks are impossible. Coffee and energy drinks not to get energy, but a good feeling. My brain is so fucked up. I also told my bf yesterday that I’m really…[Read more]

    • He sounds very supportive. Turn to him. Dont rorture ur self tryin to quit everything at once! Ditch the hard stuff and work ur way down. Never forget. Even if takes awhile. Depression passes. All feelings come and go. I fuckt my head n nerves bad on meth but its getting better. So will yours ❤

  • Anna posted an update 4 months ago

    Had 3 meth dreams in a row tonight. πŸ™ Not a good start for monday if you ask me… I can’t stop thinking about it. It disgusts me. Hopefully monday will bring some light into this.

  • Anna posted an update 4 months, 1 week ago

    Doing pretty good again. I wake up early, I’m productive and I’m trying to safe my relationship. I told my bf I was doing meth (he never knew) and he completely freaked out and I was so close to lose him because of that. It’s fine now and we are carefully taking step after step together. Anyways… @philip how was your date? πŸ™‚

  • Anna posted an update 4 months, 1 week ago

    Tonight I had a meth dream again and it was the first time it actually was a good one. Someone wanted to give me meth and I instantly said:”No, thanks.” Even though it was a dream, it’s a pretty good feeling!

    • That’s awesome! πŸ™‚ I’ve yet to have that happen lol I become a monster in my sleep ^_^!

      • Hopefully meth dreams will become less. It’s shocking to me to hear, that dreams like this still happen to you. Even after being sober for such a long period of time… o:

    • This is how most of mine are too now tg. Its usually him bringing it home and i think its coke till i see it then panic sets in i throw it or blow it away then run out the door .. Then i wake up and it shakes me a bit but i often end up smiling it off as im glad it was of me denying it oppsed to using it. Thank you brain! I think my extream want…[Read more]

      • Sounds intense! but at least we are denying it πŸ™‚ just shaking the feeling off like you once said πŸ™‚

  • Anna posted an update 4 months, 1 week ago

    I have an app for counting the days for a certain event. I use it to keep pushing myself to get my bachelors degree or stay away from drugs. I managed to stay away from coke (drug of choice) effectively. I still struggle with meth and today is really hard, but I won’t give in. Stay strong guys, you can do it too! πŸ™‚ Screenshot_2018-09-09-15-24-30

  • Anna posted an update 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Still alive, still thinking of you guys! Hope everyone is doing well so far. I did terrible for weeks and fought my way out again. I almost destroyed my relationship completely, because I became so aggressive over just 4 weeks. Let me tell you… drugs are not worth it. Keep fighting guys. I believe in you πŸ™‚

  • Anna posted an update 5 months, 1 week ago

    I don’t feel good today. This year is a real challenge and my life starts to be completely different. Somehow it feels like it’s the worst part, but at the same time it feels like something really good is about to happen after all this suffering.
    Weird feelings.🙈

    • One day at a time Anna girl. Stay logged in. We are here for u. It will pass πŸ™‚
      Good things are coming .. But they take time. Dont cheat yourself. We need u here!! Much love girl. Ill be thinkin bout u today 😘

  • Anna posted an update 5 months, 1 week ago

    Hello or good morning! It’s 4:30am here. I’m still here, just busy. How are you guys doing?

  • Anna posted an update 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Still alive and clean. The last days were really hard, but I managed to fight completely on my own. I hope you guys are doing good, too.

  • Anna posted an update 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    I don’t feel good at all and I won’t be online here for a while, because I’m close to delete everything on here and vanish like I never existed.

    • Uh oh .. Hey girl. Dont ya dare. Do i have to call Germany?! Cus ill do it!! Pls shoot me a txt or reply here .. I was saying a prayer and yours was one the first names that popped in my head. I asked God to keep u strong cus ur such an inspiration to so many ppl. I need u to fight girl u know ur not alone in this. Ever! So pls get in touch hun ..…[Read more]

  • Anna posted an update 5 months, 4 weeks ago

    Hello everyone πŸ™‚ my life obviously went to well and something really bad happened to me two days ago. (Maybe telling you one day, not now) To cut it short I almost killed myself with substance abuse after and this is truly serious. Please be careful guys! Just be grateful for every moment you have on this planet. Also: thanks for the comments and…[Read more]

  • Anna posted an update 6 months ago

    Something must have happened in my brain. I have zero cravings for meth for days now. I’m productive, I wake up early and I feel quite normal. Ok it’s not the best version of myself, but it’s fine. This is a strange feeling to be honest. I guess nothing, not even meth, will ever beat my drug of choice which is coke. I still get crazy when I hear…[Read more]

    • Cool how it just goes away eh. Youll have the odd trigger memory or dream but nothing like when fresh off it. Proud of u girl keep goin strong. Im doing better then ever too ❤

    • @ellish I’m so proud of you! And: Thanks😊

  • Anna posted an update 6 months ago

    I believe my bf killed a lot of emotions yesterday. I cried a lot and now I’m this quite cold-hearted human again. I’m so done with this relationship. At least I’m taking care of myself again and I have no cravings at all. It’s the first time in weeks where I can safely say my cravings are at ZERO. Even if it is just one day, I’m happy about that.

    • Love u girl. Ur heart will heal in time. I am in a verrry similar boat my girl. I just finished explaining to him where my head is at and that is to leave in a few months and that will have to be that. No return this time. I told him our mindframes are just too different and i have to get serious about what i allow in my life . i have to be the…[Read more]

  • Anna posted an update 6 months ago

    Thinking about breaking up with my bf. I just can’t stand his bipolar disorder and borderline personality anymore. I have a mental breakdown right now… He destroyed so many things in the apartment and we have so little money. The only good thing is… it just makes me cry and gives me a feeling of:”I need to protect myself!” instead of using…[Read more]

    • Keep your head up @anna. I’m in the exact same boat. It seems like the prison did more damage to her than good. Her insecurity level is out the roof and she’s flipping out at the moment.

    • Anna replied 6 months ago

      @bigtoebaldass I’m sorry to hear that! Hopefully she feels better soon. πŸ™

  • Anna posted an update 6 months ago

    Today’s update will probably give some of you hope that recovery is actually possible. My cravings for meth have been extremely high the last days, I got triggered numerous times and my “meth-mind” was so active and tried to manipulate me all day long to get high again. It got so bad I couldn’t sleep much last night and I also woke up at 2:30am…[Read more]

    • Anna replied 6 months ago

      Nice to see you here again! I already worried about you πŸ™‚

  • Anna posted an update 6 months ago

    Life challenges me today. Woke up after another dream of me using drugs (this time it was coke) and had the worst cravings for meth in the morning. I still have intense cravings and I tried my best to distract my mind. The battle in my head is so strong right now, I threw my phone across the room. When I calmed down, I started to clean the…[Read more]

    • Wow way to go hun! I would like to hope my reaction time would have been just as well but i really cant say i would have done the same if in ur shoes. Very proud of ur strength! I keep dreaming about him bringing it home to me n i throw it away and am happy about it. But in real life. To find just one chunk n know that i cant get more.. Fuck ..…[Read more]

  • Anna posted an update 6 months, 1 week ago

    It’s almost 7am over here. I never really have cravings in the morning, but today it’s killing me. This will be a tough day! I will reply to the messages and comments I got after my shift. Thanks for the support! πŸ™‚

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active 1 week, 1 day ago