If you’re wondering how to overcome social anxiety, you’ve come to the right place. I formerly had debilitating social anxiety. I was able to socialize with people I already knew, but making friends outside my circle was practically impossible. I was terrified of awkwardness and moments of silence. Fast-forward several years later and some would say I’m “too social”. I discovered how to overcome social anxiety without the use of medication. The purpose of this article is to share what I did to get to where I’m at.
How to Overcome Social Anxiety
The first step of overcoming social anxiety is to recognize what it is. For some people it is a mental disorder characterized by abnormal brain function. However, for a lot it can be a personality disorder that’s essentially a “comfort zone”. Personality disorders stem from early childhood. At some point either a singular or accumulation of events took place that taught us, “people like me more if I don’t talk.” As a kid who’s personality is still developing, this became a part of our survival mechanism. Fast-forward to adulthood and it can feel like it’s from a social anxiety disorder simply because we’ve never challenged it and have accepted it as “who we are.”
How do we challenge our social anxiety?
Earlier I defined social anxiety as a “comfort zone” which is essentially what I’ve discovered it to be in retrospect. I knew I wasn’t happy with social anxiety, but I was certain of the results of avoiding socializing with others which made me comfortable over time. The uncertainty of change was more a more uncomfortable thought. “What if I try to speak to strangers and there is a awkward moment?” was the fear that held me back. I knew if I tried to socialize with strangers I’d be more happy, but I was uncertain and thought I could end up more miserable. “What if I really am just awkward and weird?” I told myself, “I would rather just not know.” To me it’s that fear of walking into a doctors office and being diagnosed will prevent me from going. I’d rather just not know I have something than take care of it.
I’ve identified it, now what?
There’s no knowledge I can bestow upon you that will flip a light switch in your mind and rid you of social anxiety. Therapist try to boost self-esteem and help social anxiety with words and thoughts, but those rarely challenge a belief system engrained in us since early child-hood. What I can tell you is actions speak much louder than words and thoughts. You can’t think your way out of the “comfort zone” you have to physically step out of it. At first it maybe baby steps, but over time, you’ll forget you had a comfort zone. Socializing with others will be comfortable to you.
How do I start to step out?
There’s one thing that worked for me… Cashiers. Crazy right? But if crazy works, then crazy works. I realized it’s not socially awkward to ask a cashier, “how are you?” As a matter of fact, it’s quite normal. Also, if for whatever reason the conversation was awkward I’d never have to see them again.
I made a goal of asking every cashier, “how are you?” to step out of my comfort zone of just being quiet. When they asked back I would respond with an abrupt “good” and leave it at that. This was a baby step, you aren’t going to reinvent the wheel in a day. After a while I would have a more engaging response, “I’m tired, had a long day at work.” This kind of response would evoke more engagement with the cashier. After I was comfortable with that, I started to ask questions to the cashier, things like “I bet you’re ready to go home?” Finally once I was comfortable with engaging in small talk, I would make jokes. An example was “does that beeping ever drive you nuts? It sounds like a heart monitor…”
Now what?
After you’ve accomplished the above, start taking this into your personal life. You will be a lot more comfortable asking questions, sitting in silence, making jokes, etc. Action will create results. Taking small steps of action over time will change the way you think and is how to overcome social anxiety.
I hope this helped answer “how to overcome social anxiety” Check out the embedded video for a video explanation by the author!
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Philip Markoff (Associate of Science) is an online influencer and thought leader on addiction education; he is known as his alias “CG Kid” who’s obtained a large audience primarily on YouTube as a vlogger and journalist. His current sobriety date from polysubstance chemical dependency is June 9th, 2013.