September 27, 2018 at 4:42 pm #30086
I have no idea how long posts on this forum are supposed to be. I’m quite desperate and that’s why I am writing this. I wouldn’t even consider him my father anymore, but as I´m under eighteen he´s still my caregiver and parent. Long story short: He’s a poly addict, abusing substances such as cannabis and anabolic steroids, but also uses heroin (smoking) from time to time, tramadol, benzodiazepines… I can’t even name them all. It’s a hell of a drug cocktail.
My mother has been trying to get him into treatment for seventeen years. I have only known about his drug problem for the past three years and since then our home has slowly turned into a living hell. Three years ago was also when he started using steroids… again.
Everything boiled over in summer and my father moved out – to our neighbour’s basement. He can’t afford an apartment and it disturbs me he lives just about 100 meters from my house. Since an incident in the summer, where he hit my mom and emptied the trashcan over my mom’s car, we’ve had contact with social services. I also relapsed and started using alprazolam again, though I’ve been clean for a week now, thanks to a trip on MDMA. I’m an excellent student, so I don’t worry too much about myself.
My father has turned into a narcissistic and manipulative bastard. He’s been harassing both me and my mom via SMS and psyched us outside our home. Social services can’t really do much as he refuses treatment. I don’t know who my true dad is and neither does mom. He’s been intoxicated for most of my childhood.
He also illegally supplies “stuff” and grows cannabis. We can’t really do too much about that either since he has his plants on our neighbour’s property and taking it to court would sparkle a war.
I don’t know what to do and I’ve had enough. Should I give up and let him go? He won’t let our family be – should I just ignore him? Please give me suggestions. I´m Swedish btw, so English isn’t my native language. Sorry for the long post but cheers everybody. <3October 17, 2018 at 1:48 pm #30319
My dad just relapse over the weekend. After rehab three months ago. I’ve seen the shame and guilt on his face. Seeing him coming down and still tweeky.
THe best advice I can give you: give him space. If he wants to get clean, it will be his decision. Nobody can make him get clean. I know it will be hard but give him space and when you see him give love without expecting any in return.
If you try to crack into him, it will be like trying to break a cement wall with a pencil. Go off and live a positive life. Be a beacon of positive energy. This will benefit you and everyone around you. All the while learning from him and how you want to turn out.
Circle yourself with positive people. Bring them to your mom. Remind yourself and her that there are a lot of loving people out there.
In time, your dad could start to see what he has been missing out on and begin to reach out.
Much loveJanuary 29, 2019 at 12:50 pm #35160
This is incredibly sad…. It hit hard for me. I have a 12yr old daughter and I would NEVER hit her or her mother. Divorce or married, Drugs or no drugs. Even though she’s hit me and put a gun in my face. I could never rob or hurt another person for my habits. I guess I was blessed with more impulse control and pain tolerance. I don’t know. But I ALSO certainly wouldn’t have used especially illicit substances in front of my children for them to witness….
I have mixed feelings with my advice. As a responsible loving dad, I know I have flaws and weaknesses too. And right now your dad’s brain has been rewired to believe it NEEDS that drug to survive. Remove that physical and mental substance dependence, EVEN if it only works temporarily, you’ll see your father come back into who he was. He’s still in there. He just needs help escaping.
I would say don’t give up on him because he can’t think clearly or rationally with severe addiction. I would have to say don’t give up. Get him back. Because one day he’ll be gone forever and you’ll ALWAYS wonder what COULD have been instead of giving up. And if he ever does get sober on his own the very fact he lost you could mean his return to Addiction….
Best of luck,
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